helpymchelperson:

Anonymous asked:

Dear Helpy, how many flowers should I buy for my anniversary for my lovely wife?

As with so many of life’s challenging questions, this can be answered by a simple consultation of a standard and intuitively clear set of rules. Most importantly, you will want to use two different kinds of flowers, to make a bouquet. Helpy will summarize the rules applicable to your situation:

• For kind of flowers:  Start with the month of your anniversary.   Look up the birth stone for this month, then convert it to a flower using the standard conversion.
• If you have been married more than six years, move one month ahead (wrapping around, so December converts to January), and convert that month to a flower too; that’s your secondary flower.
• Start with three primary flowers, then add one per year you’ve been married.
• Subtract one per affair your wife has had.
• Add one per affair you’ve had.
• Affairs you both have together don’t count (sorry, Mr. Savage).
• If you have bought fewer than five flowers for your spouse on three previous anniversaries, check whether you need to consider the Alternative Minimum Bouquet rules, under which you add five chrysanthemums to the resulting bouquet unconditionally.
• If you own your home, add two secondary flowers.  If you rent, add one secondary flower per bedroom.
• Add one secondary flower per time you’ve had sex (with each other) in the past month.
• If this is your first marriage to each other, stand pat; otherwise, add one primary flower per previous marriage to each other.
• If either of you has been previously married to someone else, add one secondary flower per previous marriage.
• If you have kids, add one brightly colored toy per child; these are not part of the bouquet, but throwing them behind you when you start running may slow the kids down.
• Hand one flower to the person on your left, and take a flower from the person on your right.
• If you have 17 or more flowers, you’re done; otherwise, punch the mariachi and take his flowers.  If this gives you more than 21, you lose.

durkinator27:

introductiontobasics:

sony has great legs, though

Usually I don’t find these kinds of GIFs all that funny, but holy crap, this one is just brilliant.

thebluthcompany:

The First Visual Proof that Arrested Development is Actually Happening.

Vulture obtained a photo, taken at 8 p.m. on Tuesday, May 7, above a soundstage on a studio lot in Culver City, of Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz hard at work on the show’s revival. Reached for comment, Hurwitz told them, “I was working in the room with the writing staff. We were discussing the Maeby episode.”

[via]

nerdgirlproblems:

so go do something Shakespearean!

possibilities include:

-meet someone and marry them after a few days and then fake your own death. or not fake it…

-cross-dress

-cross-dress and have romantic shenanigans

-write bad poetry and stick it onto trees

-stage a play to try and get someone to confess to a crime by reenacting that crime

-exit stage left pursued by a bear

Ryan is just as helpless as the rest of us.